Tahlequah, Ok – Speaking in front of the capital of the Cherokee nation today, President Barak Obama promised to return to all North American Native Americans the lands stolen from them via countless broken treaties. He is calling for borders to be returned to their “pre-colonized” locations and to the descendants of all the rightful heirs of all lands once hunted and owned by Native Americans.

“We believe the borders of the US and the Creek, Choctaw, Cherokee and Sioux nations, among others, should be based on the original lines with mutually agreed swaps, so that secure and recognized borders are established for all states,” the President stated.

In calling for this action, the President is asking the nation to essentially ceed much of the country back to the original landowners whose land was ravaged by the white man when he colonized the North American continent beginning with the arrival of Christopher Columbus in 1492.

Asked by reporters how all of this would happen, White House spokesman Hymanid Iot noted that much work would need to be done to allow for the return of the land but that “the President believes this is the right thing to do and will work to achieve it as long as he is in the Oval Office.” But would the White House actually be where the President would reside?

Anthropologist Hiram Newfundle noted that if this were to happen, Washington, D.C. would return to the Piscataway Indian tribe and as a result, the White House and all other government buildings would no longer be owned by the United States government. “The Piscataway’s,” Newfundle explained, “are subtribe of the Conoy Native American tribe of Maryland. At one time, they were one of the most populous and powerful Native polities of the Chesapeake Bay region. They spoke Algonquian Piscataway, a dialect of Nanticoke. Today three groups represent Piscatawy descendents, the Piscataway Indian Nation and Tayac Territory, the Piscataway Conoy Tribe of Maryland, and the Cedarville Band of Piscataway Indians. They are all located in Southern Maryland, and none has state or federal recognition.”

This would most certainly cause a strain on the economic well-being of the continent and throw it into chaos. Would Anglos have to return to their European homeland? And what of the African-American community? President Obama gave this reply when asked about where he would live after his presidency ended: “I would lead those of African-American heritage back home. We can take our message of hope and change fundamentally transform the African continent. We can do it! Yes We Can!”

Skeptics believe that this throws the nation in a state of chaos. Conservative blogger Push Limerick asked on a ustream live chat, “Is there a United States of America any more? If so, where does the government reside? Washington, DC? Do I now have to forfeit my land and cars and planes to the Seminole tribe? If so, where do I go? Do I have to buy back all my stuff from the tribal council?”

Radio commentator Skim Pecklestein said this when asked about today’s announcement, “Is this what President Obama was describing when he noted during the 2008 campaign that he wanted to ‘fundamentally transform America’? It appears so.”

In an unrelated story, the New York Times provided Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas with a platform to unveil his new strategy. In his 17 May op-ed article in the Times, “The Long Overdue Palestinian State”, Abbas laid out his plan to request international recognition of the “State of Palestine” along the Green Line that is commonly referred to as the pre-June 1967 border — that is, to achieve statehood without negotiating with Israel.

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